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Take a Wiff

We were wiffling pretty hard in the alley last night and I got a great idea for a movie. A group of youngsters, played by all of our favorite celebs, start a wiffle ball team and compete for the gold! It's a feel good romp with lots of plot twists and nicknames. The kids will have a crap load of catchphrases, like "he smells like a total dork!" but even better! Here's the roster I'm thinkin' of: Austen "Rice and Beans" Brown Anton "How did this bee get into my pants?" Lieberman Colin "The Human Idiot" Leaman Alan "I'm going inside, I have allergies" Prazniak Ann Marie "101 Dalmatians" McBride Gwen "Tonka-Tough" Kurtz Conor "Me want Honeycomb!" Fields Tal "I think you just blew out my eardrum" Noznisky Brandon "I didn't know the megaphone was that close to your ear" Butch Oh the summer of 1958 will be a blast. They'll meet girls, eat food or chewing tobacco, kiss girls, and sneak some of dad's beer. There's no telling what kind of trouble "The Human Idiot" will get into next. There will be shitloads of memorable quotes too! "Are you ready to feel the wrath of my dick, assbags?" "Don't be a pervert about her, her brother has hemorrhoids." "I'm going home, cheaters. [trips and his face goes into dog poop]" "How in the hell did this bee get into my pants!?" WATCH FOR IT!

Terrific Man!

Finally a new opera! If "Batman Returns" had sex with "Top Gun" had a son, then you covered him with very dangerous armor! Or if Teddy Ruxpin had rabies and babies with "Robocop" mixed with an airplane and a bazooka... How about if MegaZord got shrunk by a shrink ray...but he looked less gay and fought with guns instead of swords. Why the fuck would robots be dinosaurs and use swords?? If you make a robot, why not make some missles too? Or at least some awesome gloves with bullet fingertips? Or a compartment for a mini but lethal gun! Iron Man is literally, no doubt, THE best movie I have ever ever ever ever ever seen!

A Chat with the Neighbors

I've never really met my neighbors. And however fascinating they seem, actually, they terrify me. Too often they threaten each other and yell about something called a "weed." They'll be screaming one minute and then sighing very loudly the next, like they both just stubbed their toes at the same time. Anyway, from what I've pieced together, the man's name is Baby and the woman's name is Mitch? Or it might be Bidge, strange name...in any case, I heard an interesting conversation take place the other night so I called my own voice mail and pushed speaker phone to record it. Without further adieu:

Loving This Movie

Here's a real treat! Plus I provided the lyrics...

Let's Get the Ball Rolling

So here we are at last with our big Internet Adventure (to any Hollywood bigwigs out there: feel free to use that idea)! I am hereby devoting myself entirely to providing everyone with the most rigorous, unbiased, honest-to-Jesus movie reviews available (will also be reviewing theater candy prices [the UA Riverview 17 is steep (plus I choked on several Snow Caps [it was a contest])]). So now that the tone of this site is established, here is a thought that I thought of that i thought was VERY thought provoking and mysterious and a tad sensuous: Cheers!